Kingdom Screwups
by AntiSora
Summary: Rating may go up. My ideas for strange mutated Kingdom Hearts things, such as how certain things affect certain characters other than what we see.
1. Can Opener Fun!

AS: Yipee!!!!! Insanity will ensue!  
Sora: Why'd you have to do a KH fic?  
AS: Because I live to torture you all!!! MWAHAHAH!  
Kairi: Okay, I'm officially scared, now.  
AS: Good! MWAHAHAHA!  
Riku: Good thing that it doesn't own us, or Kingdom Hearts,  
or anything else mentioned in here, with few exceptions!  
AS: IT?!?! You can't tell?  
Kairi Sora: laughing uncontrollably  
Riku: Well, you change your gender every other day!  
AS: Hey! Only for RPG stuff!  
Riku: sarcastic Right.  
AS: kicks Riku in tender areas  
Riku: OxO Kairi Sora: back away  
AS: Hah! Now, on with the insanity!  
  
Kingdom Screwups  
  
We see the inside of a home. Sora is making some canned soup, after a day of shooting. They have just finished with him getting turned into a Heartless. He opens a drawer, and reaches for a can opener. He looks, and it is a black can opener, with a red handle. He yells, and throws it across the room. We see him cowering in a corner, muttering.  
  
"Can openers are evil.... Evil can openers...."  
  
Riku comes in, looking to see what is the matter. Sora, however, leaps up, and runs off, yelling some more. Riku follows him to a closet, where we see Sora trying desperately to claw through the wall. Riku, worried as he is, decides to ask what is wrong.  
  
"Sora...? Are you okay...?"  
  
Rather than telling him what is wrong, Sora brandishes a shoe, as though it is a weapon, and yells.  
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU POSSESSED PSYCHO!!!!!"  
  
Riku rolls his eyes, but Kairi arraives, wondering who is freaking Sora out. Riku mutters darkly. Kairi, blinks, wondering what is going on.  
  
"Sora...? What's wrong? Is Riku being a jerk again?"  
  
Riku quickly adopts a hurt expression, but Sora just whimpers.  
  
"He wants to kill me with a can opener!!!"  
  
Riku rolls his eyes, and Kairi sighs.  
  
"I told the directer we should use a stunt double, but would he listen? Noooo."  
  
Riku glares at Sora.  
  
"Hey, not my fault! I was possesed by Kairi's crazy dad!"  
  
Kairi's eyes blaze with anger, and she backhands Riku.  
  
"You leave my dad out of this, Riku!"  
  
"Or what? He'll kill me AND you?"  
  
Kairi punches Riku, then throws him out the window.

The next day

"WHAT?!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN RIKU'S IN THE HOSPITABLE AND SORA IS AT A THERAPIST?!?!? WE HAVE TO SHOOT TODAY!!!"  
  
The director, a fat little man in a red and blue outfit about ten sizes too small is yelling at a telephone. On the other line, King Mickey is covering his ears.  
  
"Sir, I'm just saying what Kairi told me!!!"  
  
The director yells some more, then passes out from over exerting himself AS: Short, but odd! I came up with this while on the phone with my friend, lol!  
Sora:..... I hate you.  
Riku:Me too.  
Kairi:I love my role!  
AS: Yay! Now, RR! 


	2. House Key Chaos!

AS: w00t! By request, here we are!  
Riku: At least it still doesn't own us, KH, or anything like that.  
Sora: Can openers.  
Kairi: )  
AS: Yay!  
  
Kingdom Screwups Chapter 2  
  
We see a small Shadow Heartless, it is walking up to a trailer in the shadows. It reaches into some non-existant pocket, and pulls out a small, silver house key.  
  
"AAHHHHH!!!! KEYBLADE!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
The Heartless yells, throwing the key, and runs off.  
  
Now, we see Sora. He is still afraid of can openers, but is doing better with his rehabilitation. He is currently poking a can opener.  
  
"Hah! Not so brave now, are you, you stupid thing? AHHHH!!!"  
  
Sora runs off, thinkng that the can opener has attacked him. Riku laughs, and we see him, up in the rafters, holding a string attatched to the can opener. Kairi shoves him, and he falls to the floor,  
landing on a key. He jumps up, and runs off, yelling.  
  
"AHHHH!!! SORA'S GETTING HIS REVENGE WITH THAT DAMNED KEY!!!!"  
  
Kairi is laughing crazily, and Riku runs out the door. She smiles,  
then picks the key up.  
  
"Hah, I KNEW that this thing would be good for something, hah hah hah!"  
  
Meanwhile, we see the director, yelling at King Mickey over the phone.  
Again.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?!? THE LEAD SHADOW IS IN KEY REHAB, WITH RIKU!  
KAIRI IS NOT A MANIAC!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SHE IS LAUGHING HER HEAD OFF AND LOVING THE FACT THAT RIKU IS IN REHAB?!?! THAT IS NOT KAIRI-ISH!"  
  
Mickey winces on the other line, holding the phone about a foot from his large, and highly sensitive ears.  
  
"Sir, I'm just telling you what I saw, and what I was told! Don't shoot the messenger!"  
  
The director's eyes light up, and he laughs.  
  
"MWHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Hmmmm... How do you like MOUSE TRAPS?!?!"  
  
Mickey drops the phone, and runs off, yelling about this not being in his contract.  
  
AS: Hah hah hah! More insanity!  
Riku: Keys are evil.  
Shadow: Keys really are evil.  
Kairi: No, I'M evil!!! MWAHAHAHAHAH!  
Sora: I hate can openers... Why did it attack me? Why AS: Hahahahaha! I love this! Sooo much fun! Well, Review! 


	3. Wild Time at the Zoo!

AAAAAAHHH!! Needed to update! I'm sorry! I forgot all about this fic! o.O Yes, that is crazy, but... I had some things that came up,  
and... Well, I'm updating now, right? Well, here we go!! Thanks to mirXsan4eva for the ideas!  
  
Kairi rolls her eyes at Sora, shoving him playfully. "Awww, c'mon,  
Sora, it'll be fun! Really!"  
  
Sora sighs, staring at the ground. "Fine... We can go..."  
  
Kairi grins evily, then grabs his arm, and drags him off. About ten minutes later, they arrive in front of the zoo. Entering, Sora mutters something under his breath, but Kairi doesn't seem to notice at all.  
She drags him off the the big cats, not thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Once there, Sora seems somewhat interested, but when the get to the leopard/jaguar (dunno which one Sabor is), he whimpers faintly, hiding behind Kairi.  
  
"Sora, what's wrong? Afraid of the cat?"  
  
Sora shoots Kairi a death-glare, but the feline picks that moment to leap at them, landing on the ground near the edge of the enclosure.  
Sora bolts, slamming into people and not paying any attention to where he is going. He runs straight into a wall, and looks up, eyes unfocused with pain from hitting it rather hard. He looks around, then sighs,  
seeing that he is away from the big cats. He looks at the sign, and blinks, unable to read it. However, the words become crystaly clear as a howling penetrates the air, and his eyes finally focus. "Wolf Enclosure" the sign reads. He groans, then gets up slowly, looking around.  
"Great. Just what I need..." He jumps as a large black wolf approaches the fencing, watching him with hard eyes. He takes a step back, then runs off, remembering Cerberus all to well, a giant three-headed black dog...  
  
Micky cringes, holding the phone a good foot from his large ears. "Sir,  
I'm sorry, but I'm just telling you what Kairi told me!!! Don't be mad at me, I didn't do anything but relate the news!"  
  
The director, on the other end of the phone call, growls. "What now?  
How do we finish this up, if Sora is in the hospital? What idiot thought that it would be good for him to go the the damned zoo in the first place!  
He ran out and got hit by a truck, because he saw a leopard/jaguar and a large black wolf. IN ENCLOSURES!!! Damn him... Now this is gonna take even longer!!! Crap... You better get a lawsuit filed against whoever hit him NOW!!!" The director hangs up, and Mickey winces.  
  
"Awww man! Why do I always have to be the bad news-bearer (sp?)?" He hangs up his phone, grumbling.  
  
Whoo! Done! I'll get more done as I think them up, okay? Right now is really busy, because I just started school... Gah... Well, I hope to get even more of this done realatively fast, but... I dunno, with school now... Well, I'll try to get more ideas, and fast! Oh, and BTW:  
I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or a zoo. I just wish that I owned KH. I DO, however, own the idea for this story (not the zoo and dog/wolf thing,  
though...) and the deranged mouse-hating director. Heh heh heh... Don't sue, because you'll only cheat yourself. I have only the money that I'm gonna use to pre-order Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, so... I won't buy that if you sue. Heh heh heh.. .;;  
  
BTW, again, thanks Phoenix for helping me out before. I really really needed it. I wouldn't be writing this without your help and your understanding. Also, thanks to the other two members who have me on their favorites list! And, to the nice person that put me on their author alert list. Thanks so much! BTW, Phoenix... You've not e-mailed in a while... AND UPDATE!!! Your stuff is like... So much better than mine! You must update!!! Lol. 


End file.
